I have been having a lot of female problems the last few years since having my third son. The last 2 years have been the hardest with non-stop bleeding, way out of whack hormones, up and down moods, and trying to tackle anxiety and agoraphobia at the same time. I have seen countless doctors and always walked away with only hormone pills though one did actually do bloodwork and classified me as perimenopausal. I finally found a doctor that would actually listen to me and due to this, I am now preparing for an LVAH - laprascopic assisted vaginal hysterectomy. I wanted this surgery and even pushed for it after being so tired of going through this - yet now that it's in the works and it's only 3 weeks away, I'm terrified! I'm not worried that first bit about being put under and going through the surgery itself. That part is a breeze! I'm scared of what it will be like afterwards. How I feel knowing that I no longer have a cervix and uterus and possibly no ovaries. What changes my body and moods will go through afterwards. How my husband will view me once it's over.
I guess I just kind of feel like I'm losing what truly makes me a woman - I will no longer be whole. And that is what worries me with Joe...will he view me that way as well? He's being super supportive and helping get things in order pre-surgery so that things go smoothly for all 3 boys and him and I. He can be such a great guy in situations like this. But I can't help but wonder if this will change the way he looks at me. Our marriage isn't in the best of shape right now but we are in counseling now. I just don't want this to negatively impact us. I know for at least 6 weeks it will be rough due to the fact that we cannot have sex but it's not like we can now. Since the bleeding began, I haven't really been able to except once in a very blue moon. The bleeding has caused swelling and tenderness and sex is just unmanageable with the pain.
Why is it when you have something big coming up like this, irrational fears pop into your head? You know that it's not going to happen that way yet you can't stop worrying about it? I know Joe will be great through my recovery and both of our families are stepping up to the plate to help us out yet I can't stop these stupid questions from flying around my brain! It makes no sense!!! God, I have to go through this for 3 more weeks too...... *UGH* Luckily I was referred to a wonderful site strictly for women who are facing or have gone through a hysterectomy. I know I'll be using the board a lot for support and answers and maybe even comfort. I would suggest anyone facing this visit them!
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