Nothing too much different today. I'm feeling a bit better about surgery after reading some of the updates on HysterSisters and also talking to a few people that I know who have had hysterectomies. I think I'm just scared because of the unknown. I hate to not be control and know exactly what is going on and as with any surgery, there is no one that can tell you that information. And as suspected, the days seem to be getting longer and longer as I wait. 18 more days. I think I'm going to start doing some stuff around the house like re-organizing to try to make the days go by faster. Now, do I have enough to keep me busy for 2.5 more weeks? Hmmmm.....
On the (sort-of) upside, we've had a new addition to the family. Yesterday I found the most beautiful Golden Retriever that the owners could no longer keep. She is AKC and has been through obedience training. I just couldn't pass her up, I have wanted a Golden Retriever for more than 10 years! Plus our other dog, Leo, really needed a companion. He's a Golden Retriever/Saint Bernard mix. She's not doing too bad so far but she definitely misses "home". She lays by the front door and anytime anyone opens the door, she tries to go out. I feel so bad for her but know that I can love her and give her the life that she deserves. The only problem is, my husband doesn't feel the same way! I just know he's not a dog person though he denies it. But we have major different views on dogs. I believe they, like any pet, are part of your family and should be treated that way. He believes they are only animals and all dogs should be kept outdoors only. Probably why he hates that I have now brought home 2 dogs that live inside. LOL Heidi is used to being outdoors but it is soooo hot outside that I don't have the heart to allow them to stay out all the time. I'm hoping that we can make this work but Joe is so furious that I got her that I'm not 100% he will let me keep her. That breaks my heart!
Other than that, nothing else is new. I have to be off now to water my flower garden and walk my dogs. Have a great day!
Monday, April 30, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
*UGH*
Here it is in the afternoon and I haven't even been awake but for 2 hours. I was so riled up last night that I couldn't get to sleep despite the fact that I was completely exhausted! I don't know why this is bothering me all of the sudden, seems so retarded! I have been reading a lot on HysterSisters and it has brought up so much that I didn't even think about. Like with losing my cervix, will I always be dry? With leaving my oavries, will I still ovulate and how? When will I go through menopause? How about if they take one ovary or both? What is the difference there?
I made a list last night of questions to ask the doctor at my pre-op appointment on the 12th and also a list of things to take to the hospital. HS has been a great site for those things! I of course added a couple of things to their list of what to take - like I read in one post, taking an iPod seems like staple! I'll definitely be taking mine with a charger because even though I'm a Medical Assistant, I still hate hospitals and have the hardest time sleeping there. I'll also take some crossword puzzle books to keep me busy when I'm alone up there. Of course make up and a curling iron because heaven forbid I look like crap after surgery! LOL I know I won't be up to doing my hair but my sister is coming up so she'll fix it for me. God love her!
I hate to admit this but I am going to begging people to come visit me. With Joe working 2 jobs, that will leave a LOT of time with me being alone post-op. I don't think I can handle that! I know, I know, I'm a chicken. I can't help it, hospitals creep me out. Anyway, I better get to cleaning the house and preparing dinner. Not to mention praying harder that God help me find peace. LOL
I made a list last night of questions to ask the doctor at my pre-op appointment on the 12th and also a list of things to take to the hospital. HS has been a great site for those things! I of course added a couple of things to their list of what to take - like I read in one post, taking an iPod seems like staple! I'll definitely be taking mine with a charger because even though I'm a Medical Assistant, I still hate hospitals and have the hardest time sleeping there. I'll also take some crossword puzzle books to keep me busy when I'm alone up there. Of course make up and a curling iron because heaven forbid I look like crap after surgery! LOL I know I won't be up to doing my hair but my sister is coming up so she'll fix it for me. God love her!
I hate to admit this but I am going to begging people to come visit me. With Joe working 2 jobs, that will leave a LOT of time with me being alone post-op. I don't think I can handle that! I know, I know, I'm a chicken. I can't help it, hospitals creep me out. Anyway, I better get to cleaning the house and preparing dinner. Not to mention praying harder that God help me find peace. LOL
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Just beginning...
I am starting this new blog to keep record of my journey through this new phase in my life.
I have been having a lot of female problems the last few years since having my third son. The last 2 years have been the hardest with non-stop bleeding, way out of whack hormones, up and down moods, and trying to tackle anxiety and agoraphobia at the same time. I have seen countless doctors and always walked away with only hormone pills though one did actually do bloodwork and classified me as perimenopausal. I finally found a doctor that would actually listen to me and due to this, I am now preparing for an LVAH - laprascopic assisted vaginal hysterectomy. I wanted this surgery and even pushed for it after being so tired of going through this - yet now that it's in the works and it's only 3 weeks away, I'm terrified! I'm not worried that first bit about being put under and going through the surgery itself. That part is a breeze! I'm scared of what it will be like afterwards. How I feel knowing that I no longer have a cervix and uterus and possibly no ovaries. What changes my body and moods will go through afterwards. How my husband will view me once it's over.
I guess I just kind of feel like I'm losing what truly makes me a woman - I will no longer be whole. And that is what worries me with Joe...will he view me that way as well? He's being super supportive and helping get things in order pre-surgery so that things go smoothly for all 3 boys and him and I. He can be such a great guy in situations like this. But I can't help but wonder if this will change the way he looks at me. Our marriage isn't in the best of shape right now but we are in counseling now. I just don't want this to negatively impact us. I know for at least 6 weeks it will be rough due to the fact that we cannot have sex but it's not like we can now. Since the bleeding began, I haven't really been able to except once in a very blue moon. The bleeding has caused swelling and tenderness and sex is just unmanageable with the pain.
Why is it when you have something big coming up like this, irrational fears pop into your head? You know that it's not going to happen that way yet you can't stop worrying about it? I know Joe will be great through my recovery and both of our families are stepping up to the plate to help us out yet I can't stop these stupid questions from flying around my brain! It makes no sense!!! God, I have to go through this for 3 more weeks too...... *UGH* Luckily I was referred to a wonderful site strictly for women who are facing or have gone through a hysterectomy. I know I'll be using the board a lot for support and answers and maybe even comfort. I would suggest anyone facing this visit them!
Hysterectomy Support by HysterSisters.com
I have been having a lot of female problems the last few years since having my third son. The last 2 years have been the hardest with non-stop bleeding, way out of whack hormones, up and down moods, and trying to tackle anxiety and agoraphobia at the same time. I have seen countless doctors and always walked away with only hormone pills though one did actually do bloodwork and classified me as perimenopausal. I finally found a doctor that would actually listen to me and due to this, I am now preparing for an LVAH - laprascopic assisted vaginal hysterectomy. I wanted this surgery and even pushed for it after being so tired of going through this - yet now that it's in the works and it's only 3 weeks away, I'm terrified! I'm not worried that first bit about being put under and going through the surgery itself. That part is a breeze! I'm scared of what it will be like afterwards. How I feel knowing that I no longer have a cervix and uterus and possibly no ovaries. What changes my body and moods will go through afterwards. How my husband will view me once it's over.
I guess I just kind of feel like I'm losing what truly makes me a woman - I will no longer be whole. And that is what worries me with Joe...will he view me that way as well? He's being super supportive and helping get things in order pre-surgery so that things go smoothly for all 3 boys and him and I. He can be such a great guy in situations like this. But I can't help but wonder if this will change the way he looks at me. Our marriage isn't in the best of shape right now but we are in counseling now. I just don't want this to negatively impact us. I know for at least 6 weeks it will be rough due to the fact that we cannot have sex but it's not like we can now. Since the bleeding began, I haven't really been able to except once in a very blue moon. The bleeding has caused swelling and tenderness and sex is just unmanageable with the pain.
Why is it when you have something big coming up like this, irrational fears pop into your head? You know that it's not going to happen that way yet you can't stop worrying about it? I know Joe will be great through my recovery and both of our families are stepping up to the plate to help us out yet I can't stop these stupid questions from flying around my brain! It makes no sense!!! God, I have to go through this for 3 more weeks too...... *UGH* Luckily I was referred to a wonderful site strictly for women who are facing or have gone through a hysterectomy. I know I'll be using the board a lot for support and answers and maybe even comfort. I would suggest anyone facing this visit them!
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