It's setting in now!

Here I sit, a little more than 24 hours before my surgery. I was completely okay with everything and looking forward to this..... and here I am now having panic attacks and freaking out! My clear liquid diet has begun and I am STARVING so that's not helping. *UGH* I went to my favorite board, Hystersisters, to find the comfort that has helped me these last 3 weeks but instead I found that it only made me more anxious. WHY?? Why all of the sudden am I freaking out??

I think a BIG part of it is that at my pre-op on Tuesday, my doctor decided to add to my surgery list vaginal reconstruction. When I had my middle son, my labia minora got torn on both sides and they never stitched it up. So here I am, nearly 10 years later STILL feeling like a freak and not quite the woman I could be. This surgery will make me whole again...literally! But at the same time, the pain afterwards has me shuddering when I think about it. They have to shave off skin on both sides to stitch it back together which will make my labia minora a bit shorter than normal. Sexually she said that will be a HUGE bonus.... but the pain is all I can focus on right now.

*UGH* I wish this time would just fly by so I can just get it over with and stop fretting. At least when I go to my board I see that I'm not alone. There are a lot of women there having surgery my same day - my hyster-date-sisters. It's a HUGE comfort to have that board. To know that every single woman there knows and understands what I'm going through. Whoever founded that board is a God send! There are litteraly hundreds of women that go there - either by guest or registered. I can't imagine how many women it has helped... but I know it has helped me. I know, I keep jumping around in this. My head is just swimming and I can't help but jumble my thoughts trying to distract myself. I guess I'll go to bed now and try to watch some TV and sleep. How I wish I could just EAT!!!!!!!!!!............LOL